Another Pilot Down: The Artwork of George Gonzalez

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

The Best-Of 2008

So it’s the second to the last night of 2008, and I haven’t made a “Best Of” compilation of all the junk I have enjoyed throughout the year. Every other blog with a nerd has one, so why can’t I?

Well, without further adue; here is a list of my favorite things that I think were amazingly awesome in 2008.

..:: MUSIC ::..

Best Album

“Robotique Majestique” by Ghostland Observatory

This year had a lot of great releases, but out of all the albums I checked out this year, no other album moved me (and still moves me) like “Robotique” by the Austin Texas band, Ghostland Observatory. Easily the best record to dance, jam, drive, talk over, walk, work, fuck, drink, or to get the party started. A close favorite with my friends, this album never gets old and is always perfect no matter what time it is. Ghostland did an amazing job with this album more than definitely raised the bar for them.
“If” by Mindless Self Indulgence
“Innerpartysystem” by Innerpartysystem

Best New Band


I was fortunate to see this band open up for Kill Hannah at the Scout Bar in San Antonio this past summer. While, their frontman came off as little cocky and kind of a prick both on stage and on their MySpace blog, their debut self-titled album is one of the best debuts I have heard in a while. Every song is solid gold, and while their name suggests parties and dancing; their music is actually really dark and takes a cue from some of NIN and theSTART’s more darker-themed tracks. Things go from heavy and soft to distorted and ambient. It’s a promising debut.
Crystal Castles & Hollywood Undead

Best Concert

Nine Inch Nails “Lights In The Sky” [Dallas, TX 8.18.08]

This year I saw Radiohead in concert. I saw Eisley. I saw Kill Hannah. But none compared to the beautiful monster that was the Nine Inch Nails 2008 tour. I had never seen a tour more than once, until this time around. I saw Trent Reznor and the boys destroy the stage twice in one year. (I saw them in Dallas and on San Antonio.) This show captured the intensity and aggression that makes Nine Inch Nails such a force to be reckoned with, but most importantly, it showed the beauty and sensuality that is often overlooked by the band. The visuals to the Ghost tracks are marvelous and groundbreaking. It was a show that no photos of videos could ever capture. It was something you had to attend to really understand.
Ghostland Observatory [Austin, TX 2.29.08]
Mindless Self Induglence [Austin, TX 5.16.08]

Most Anticipated Album of 2009

Untitled 8th Studio Album by Green Day

"American Idiot" was (for a lack of a better term) a timeless record. It was an album for the times we were and still are living in. Now, 4 and half years later, it's time for the follow up. With Butch Vig (Nirvana, Against Me!, AFI, Garbage ..etc.) as producer the band has come up with a new album that will feature 3 acts (Act 1 - “Heroes and Cons,” Act 2 – “Charlatans and Saints,” and Act 3 - "Horseshoes and Handgrenades"). With song titles such as "March of the Dogs", "21st Century Breakdown", and the piano-driven “Last Night On Earth” are more than enough to suggest the band is ready to take on the impossible. I for one, can not wait!
Untitled 4th Studio Album by theSTART & Untitled 6th Studio Album by Placebo

..:: MOVIES ::..

Best Movie

“The Dark Knight”

My favorite hero of all time.. This movie was more than just a movie to me. Aside from it’s escalation and sinister themes, the film was an existential look at myself. I related to this film in many ways. More so than I am willing to admit. Christopher Nolan’s movie showed you how far man’s darkest intentions can go (The Joker), a good man falling into evil (Harvey Dent), and how one man (no matter how difficult life got) will stick to his moral code and prevail above all (Batman). There is a lot to be said about each character in this movie. Even though I’ve seen it like 30 times now, it still makes me gasp for air. It still makes me route for the good guys. And it still rattles my emotions, and while it’s hard to really say, I don’t always agree with Batman himself. Why? Because the unfortunate truth about this movie is, it made me realize that there is a bit of me inside mental make-up of both The Joker and Harvey Two-Face. And that really scares me.
“Wall-E” & “Iron Man”

..:: VIDEO GAMES ::..

Best Video Game

“Rock Band 2”

The first Rock Band video game floored me. It had a great soundtrack and was so much fun to play with friends and family, it was undoubtedly my favorite game of last year. Now, Rock Band 2 only furthered the awesomeness. It was bigger and larger than Rock Band 1, and with the amazing DLC already available, it was a win-win situation. This game is as far as I will ever get to being in a rock band and feeling like a rock star. All the purists and haters could bitch and diss the fuck out of the game all they want but at the end of the night, they all wish they can shake their ass like me singing “White Wedding” by Billy Idol. This game brought fun back to video games. At least for me. Fuck World of Warcraft. : P
“Grand Theft Auto IV”

Friday, December 26, 2008

Hangin' with Georgie

I have to say that these past several days have been pretty good for me. Fausto, Ralph, Tony, and my cousins are all down for the Holidays so we’ve been hanging out almost every single night. It’s cool just sitting out in the back yard drinking beers, Long Islands, and just laughing about anything. You know, aside from going to concerts and shows, it’s these moments that also make me really happy.

I guess that is why I love Denton, so much; because it was filled with moments like this. We’ve also been playing a lot of Rock Band 2 which is always fun and whenever new people are over I like to act like a class clown and be funny. It’s just so much fun.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Oh, the Holiday Blues.. (Yippie 4 Anxiety!!)

Aye, these past several days have been really annoying for me. I haven't really felt like myself. Yesturday my cousin Alison and fellow Denton-roomate Jesus came over and (out of all the days I could have felt like crap) it was that one. Argh, it was so annoying!! I wanted to hang out with them, but during the day I kept throwing up every single meal for no reason. So it left me feeling so "out of it".

These days it seems as if I have been feeling so physically weak and fragile; (and not to be outdone) my oh-so-amazing mental state has decided to try and one up the physical side with (my new BFF) ANXIETY! :D

Yup, since my Lorazepalm (anti-depression/anxiety benzo) ran out a few weeks ago, my nervousness and insecurities have decided to gang up on me now that I have nothing to defend myself with. For instance, late last night I had the shittiest anxiety attack that I have ever experienced. If I was just jumpy and nervous before, now I was bouncing off the walls. More than before. I mean, I've had the usual moments where I am just paranoid and being scared of my surroundings, but last night took the cake. I couldn't control my arms and my heart was beating at a faster pace and my mind was spinning and spinning. It sucked. I was trying to talk to Kay on the phone, and I just could not hold a converstation with her. On my end, I was so busy just trying to stop from ripping things apart. I tried sketching and just kept drawing random lines, stars, and squares. I also kept writing this one phrase I am not sure I got it from, but after looking at the drawing today it reads; "Die With The Rest of Us". Sounds like the usual angsty me, but last night was so bad I couldn't control it. Too bad, nothing great came out of it.

I bored Kay so much she feel asleep after I just wasn't saying anything. Can't say I blame her.

However, (my situation might actually have happy ending) after going to bed at 4:30 in the morning, I woke up to some crappy news from my mom saying I had an emergency appointment with my doctor. Apparently my heart doctor in San Antonio found some nasty things wrong in a recent CAT Scan I had and wanted my doctor here in Laredo to see me about it. So needless to say, I had to get dressed quickly and go find out what the hell happened.

Aaannnyyywwwaaayyy, long story short. Nothing was wrong, it was just some crap that happens when a person gets sick and while I have a really minor cough (not like the sickness I had the last week of November), that's all it was. Needless to say, I felt like using the opportunity to get a refill on my Lorazeplam.

And I did.

The sad man grins. ;)

Thursday, December 11, 2008

It's Christmas time! PLUS: Rock Band 2 Microphone

Today I went out and did some good ol' fashion Christmas shopping. I thought I should take care of the gifts this week cause Laredo will pretty much be under lock-down starting this weekend. Everybody and their friends are getting out of school for the winter break and it's going to suck.

I don't know how things are outside of this little border town, but god damn is it annoying here. You not only have to deal with your own fellow citizen's but you have to deal with the people from across the border who just thrash EVERYTHING. I don't work in retail and they still bother me. They drive bad and they think they are entitled to everything. It sucks.

Needless to say, I just had totally buy the gifts today. It couldn't wait another day.

So aside from that I also bought a new microphone for Rock Band 2 today. It's integreted with the X-BoX controller buttons which is ssoo nice. However, according to a few reviews, it looks like the microphone sucks. It has really negetive reviews and that makes me sad. I have no real way of knowing if it's good or not until I play the game when Jaime comes back from Denton. It was pretty expensive and I unfortunately already opened it out of the package so I can't return it. :(

Oh, well.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

"Republicans R Mean" t-shirt Avaliable!

My friends over at Monster Medium asked me to make a shirt of anything that I wanted a while back for their custom-t-shirt store. So being the good little lad that I am, I thought a well light-harded shirt bashing our Republican elephants could pass off as a pretty neat shirt.

So for a limited time only you can order a custom-designed t-shirt and add in your custom caption to the shirt as well. For more information or how to order your Republican shirt, head on to their MySpace page and send them a message. Or you can just tell me and I'll let them know.


Saturday, December 6, 2008

New Projects, New Era, New Outlook

So I totally make my own Long Island’s now. Mmm.. Jimmy.. Acha! ..indeed friends.

I have a few projects that I am starting (or have started), but it’s a little tricky trying to get them completely off the ground. Things are going to start changing a lot during the course of this month and early next year. My website, “The Many Shades of George Gonzalez” is going to change drastically and I am finally going to fulfill a goal of mine that I wanted to do since I started taking my site seriously. I’m also in the middle of getting business cards designed and putting them together. Despite trying to get my name out to the public I have been busy writing a new personal poem and am into pre-production on some new drawings.

Once the new site is launched most (if not all) my artwork is going to go on sale and you will be able to purchase each original piece (unless otherwise stated) through Paypal. And while it’s not set in stone, there is possibility that I might have a show devoted to my artwork here in Laredo as early as the Summer or Fall of next year. I just have to get in touch with some cool people, and it might actually take off.

If things begin to really take off, then you can expect some t-shirts and stickers in the near future. I have recently been toying with a few ideas and designs for t-shirts that I will gladly give away to my friends for free. During my stay in Denton next year I am going to be much more involved with the art and alternative scene.

So things are looking up buddies. Join me for the ride, will you? Keep it locked in to my blog for the latest updates and I promise ya’ll to make things interesting for everybody. :)

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

New MySpace 2.0 Layout

I just spent the last 2 and half hours trying to really perfect my new MySpace layout, cause I'm that much a loser. Well really in all honesty, what do you expect when you're a starving artist/person trying to get your artwork and name out to the public? You have to invest a lot of time into marketing and advertising yourself. In a lot of ways, it’s just as important as the artwork cause you’re representing yourself and what you do. The way you present yourself in public and the internet has to reflect who you really are as a person and artist and what it is you do.

As an artist who draws, paints, and writes poetry, it’s a slightly more difficult to get a kind of audience or fan base around these kinds of social networking sites like MySpace and Facebook because it’s not as conventional as artists who do music. So you’re having to compete against musicians and bands whom’s art is a lot more accessible. I mean, you can have a playlist of your favorite songs on MySpace, but you can’t really start a “favorite artwork slideshow” in your profile. It’s not fair of me to expect the website to start that kind of feature or to even really acknowledge traditional artist pages, so I’m just going to use these resources already available to me to the best that I can.

That’s why I try to go all out in my social networking profile.

Anywho, tell me what you think of the new layout. Critics wanted!

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Under The Weather

Urgh, so while the Thanksgiving weekend was pretty fun with Jaime coming down from Denton, I unfortunately caught a cold. It started with a lame sore throat during the week that prevented me from peforming "awesomely" in Rock Band, then now it's just kind of evolved into a crappy cold. I have a really annoying cough and a lot of congestion in my chest which is currently sucking the life out of me. :-/

Alas, I had a really good weekend hanging out with my brother, Fausto, and Tony really late at night. It was also cool to see my cousin Alison again, and I can't wait to join them all back in Denton next year. Yesturday I also bought Sonic Unleashed for Jaime cause at the end of the day we're Sonic fans, and we just had to see the latest installment in the franchise.. even if he does turn into a Werewolf.

All in all, the game seems pretty cool. The gameplay is really fast when you're Sonic but it does slow down to a crawl when you're the werehog, which sorta balances things out. Anywhow, here is a picture of Sonic and Sonic as the werehog:

So, I planned to do my Christmas shopping during the week while everybody is away at school and work (yeah, I'm doing this really early this time around), but if this shitty cold of mine is going to be crippling me, then I might have to wait. What a bummer, huh? I had it all planned too. I also need to buy some frames this week at Micheal's cause they're on sale. So I hope this cold before the end of the week.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

A Serious House on a Serious Earth

So I finished reading the Batman graphic novel, “Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on a Serious Earth” and now understand why lists the book as the 4th best Batman book of all time. It was jaw-dropping, terrifying, and on a personal level, emotionally exhausting.

While my favorite Bat-book is “The Long Halloween”, “Arkham Asylum” (written by Grant Morrison) isn’t like anything you’ve ever read from a Batman comic book. Infact, the book seems to feel more like a cross between a muddy painting, a Nine Inch Nails b-side from “The Downward Spiral”, and a Joel-Peter Witkin photo. The artwork (by Dave McKean) is raw, grimy, and very unbalanced which is unique for a comic book. This is element works perfectly with Morrison’s story, which shows our hero trapped in the asylum he’s put all his enemies in.

Without giving to much away, the monsters and bad guys of the Batman world have taken over the asylum, taking doctors and nurses hostages. In return, all the way is Batman to join them inside. Dressing up as a bat every night and fighting crime involves some level of insanity, just like the very animals Batman has placed inside that house. While these events take place, the story switches back and forth to the haunting and disturbing journal entries of Amadeus Arkham (who created the asylum). The villains interpreted here are far more scarier and sadistic than any previous incarnation that has ever been displayed before. The Mad Hatter struck out to me the most by how much more deranged and sick he was interpreted. Obsessed with “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland” the Grant Morrison’s Mad Hatter was the very definition of a twisted pedophile that I don’t think was ever really touched on in any other Batman book prior to this one. Harvey Two-Face, after months and months of psyho-therapy has become completely incapable of handling simple decisions.

As I mentioned previously, there are moments in this book were I felt emotionally exhausted from how Batman was becoming mentally unhinged. I love Batman and it was pretty heartbreaking to read and see just how badly he was falling to his own demons.. and in front of all his enemies. The Joker laughs hysterically in one scene were Batman reveals in a simple word association test with one of the asylum’s doctors, just how alone and disturbed he really is. The other scenes that follow are intense and graphic, while the journal entries of Amadeus Arkham are tragic and tear-jerking.

So, unlike the “Knightfall” saga, were Batman is sick and physically weaken, this story shows you a more mentally defeated, scared, and suicidal hero. There are moments in “Serious House on a Serious Earth” were Batman looks like a small ten year old boy, still waiting for his mother to come and help him. You take a look inside Batman’s mental make-up, and while it’s dark, depressing, and disheartening to see just how fragile and insane he is, you just can’t put the book down.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Yippie!! New Killers DLC 4 RB!!

Set to colide with the release of their latest album, "Day & Age" Harmonix are going to release a new Killers track pack that contains my new favorite song of the month, "Spaceman"!! I can't wait! Jaime comes down next week so it's gunna be super awesome!! It's too exciting!

I think I should go buy that mic stand over at JC's store now. Buh-bye! *rocks off, whatever that means*

EDIT: WTF?! Why is it that I don't get some people's DeviantArt notes like right away? ..and it says like I read them or there old when they're not? Does this happen to everybody or just me, cause I get some but then I notice I've had like others for several weeks that I never even read. ..the fuck is up with that?

Thursday, November 20, 2008

The Nightman Cometh

Oh man, tonights season finale of "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia" was too funny. I love that they continued the whole, "Nightman" theme that Charlie wrote. So good.

Actually, all of tonights shows where really funnier than usual. "My Name is Earl", "Kath & Kim", "The Office", and "The Sarah Silverman Program" where all super funny. That's my Thursday nights in a nutshell. I watch a lot of comedy shows tonight which makes me a boring fellow. (Black and yellow..)

God dammit, I have "Bee Movie" stuck in my head. I swear the "pollination of the flowers" half of the film is too rushed. It goes by too fast and isn't as believable (as if a Bee going to court suing mankind wasn't already far-fetched enough). Anyway, I can't complain.

So like what's everybody into these days? "Twilight"..? Anybody actually going to see this latest peice of crap? I know I'm a drone, I don't pretend to hide that, but I can smell a "Disaster Movie" from far away and this one is full of bullshit. Silly kids. I suppose I am no different though. For kicks and giggles, here is what I have been reading:

Batman: Hush

Batman & Superman: Supergirl you can see, I'm somewhat of a Jeph Loeb fan. After all, how can I not, he's responsible for writing my favorite Batman graphic novel, "The Long Halloween". Which, I think you should all read even if you're not into reading comic books or like Batman. It's a really good mystery book and one of the very few books in my life that I could not put down.

Aaannnyyywwaaayy, that's enough kissing Jeph Loeb's ass for one evening, I have also been reading:

Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on a Serious Earth

If you can't ready tell by the cover and title of that novel, this one is pretty fucked wicked. And I don't mean Bill & Ted wicked, I mean Cold's "Just Got Wicked"-wicked. The artwork is distrubing too look at. The writing is haunting, and Harvey Two-Face pisses in his shorts cause he just doesn't know how to cope with life anymore. It's a very interesting read. It isn't like any other Batman story out there, that's for sure. Check it out if you want.

Right now, I'm going to go surf the web. Seeya.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008


Since I’ve stopped buying physical music albums, I sort of lost touch on what exactly is out there at stores. This past year I’ve pretty much downloaded about 85% of the music I have listened too. I think the only albums I actually bought were The Foxboro Hot Tubs, The Offspring, and both Nine Inch Nails releases (however, those don’t count since Trent pretty much gave those albums away for free).

Still, it really does amaze me when I am out and about at the store and I see the physical albums that I had long since downloaded before there releases only to see how much of a rip off you actually get. It’s really pathetic, to think I used to be such a loyal droid to the music industries system. For one thing, a few months ago I illegally downloaded Slipknot’s album, “All Hope Is Gone” which included three bonus tracks. Okay, I thought these bonus tracks were a normal thing attached to the release, but then while I was driving around with my friend Lilly I noticed her physical “purchased” album didn’t have the extra three bonus songs. On top of that, I downloaded P!nk’s latest album “Funhouse” which included two bonus songs. Again, I thought these tracks were found on all releases, but low and behold, Lilly’s copy only has 12 songs and not 14 like my digital “free” copy.

Oh, and don’t talk to me about sound quality either cause I only download 320kbps copies of albums and songs. (I’m not one of those FLAC kids yet, sorry.. but I like to listen to my music in my Zune thank-you-very-much.) Anyway, today I downloaded The Killers “Day & Age” four hours after it leaked, and already there are two bonus songs that have me doubt they’re even in the physical US version. While I’m really loving the album (“Spaceman”, “Neon Tiger”, and “Joyride” rule!), it’s the exclusives and separation of bonus songs that are such a turn off. I’m almost certain these decisions aren’t created by the actual rock bands themselves but their record labels and companies. I’m pretty sure P!nk intended on having the other two songs on her album cause they’re really good and definitely compliment her record. Same thing goes for The Killers. The industry loves to bitch how people like me killing everything, but am I really? I won’t bring in the shitty economy on to this, but come on, it’s pretty fucking obvious to see that the music industry grabbed a shotgun and shot themselves in the foot by trying to fuck over their costumers. The only reason I bought The Offspring’s album, “Rise and Fall, Rage and Grace” (while I had it for free 1 week before it’s release INCLUDING the bonus track “OC Life”), is because at heart, I have been a big fan of them for years and years and I felt it was my duty as a loyal fan to go out that day and buy their album. But you know what? You can’t rely on that all the time Mr. Bigwig Musicbiz, because even buying it I knew it was a bullshit move to screw over fans by not having the extra track. Shit, copies of there previous album “Splinter” have had bonus DVD’s in other countries outside the United States.

While giving some countries or big box stores exclusives may seem nice and cute, is it any wonder why sales of physical albums have been plummeting to the ground each year? Why should I go out

As for supporting the bands, I do. You see, while I have downloaded all 4 albums by The Killers without buying any of their albums I did buy two tickets to their upcoming tour. That’s money the industry doesn’t touch, it goes straight to the band. I still buy band merch and as you all know, I go to plenty of shows.

So I guess the more I see it, the more it becomes clear that the whole “support the band by buying the CD at a big box store” is just a gimmick. If you really want to support them go out and buy their discs at their concert or purchase their shirts at Hot Topic or official online stores.

Saturday, November 15, 2008


I’ve been so out of it lately. Some days I feel nice and my pain isn’t as severe, but other days it becomes such an annoying tension that I can’t seem to get anything done. I’m also running out of the pain killers, which sucks. I have like 3 more days tops. That scares me cause I feel I need to them to go to bed. : (

Maybe it’s all in my head. Perhaps I have been letting all the little things irk me so easily. Like, these days KC has been acting like such an a-hole. They say cats will let you live longer, but these days it feels like KC’s just been taking away days out of my calendar. As I recover the dander and his fur seem to really bother me more than usual. I am not understanding what his problem is sometimes. or mine for that matter. He gets all the finest chicken, AquarYUMs, beef, and occasional salmon and egg with butter. He has had new toys and litter box since like the beginning of the Fall. Heck, he even has a girlfriend when he goes outside! (Yes, the first girl cat he has ever actually shared the backyard with and not gotten in a huge fight or gotten pissy over territory.) Even though that other cat is not mine, and is owned by the kid two or three houses down, I still leave out water for her. Anyhow, all this freedom and me being home 24/7 has gotten the Kaser Kat pretty spoiled. He doesn’t want to listen sometimes and acts like I’m an idiot. It’s true, he has this look like, “Fuck you, you’re not the boss of me bitch.” Urgh..

But again, maybe it’s just me. Maybe it’s all this recovering and waiting around that has being more exhausted, frustrated, and annoyed at everything around me. I can’t seem to sit down and draw or think of anything to do in terms of art. While that was to be expected, it still kind of sucks cause I just spend each day doing nothing after nothing. Funny I should say that, cause I am always talking about never wasting an opportunity, yet I’ve been doing that since late October.

Oh, well. Blah-blah, bleh..

Monday, November 10, 2008

"Vicodin Blues" gets covered by Babay Jicks & The Ghoul Fiends

Hey everyone, I got some cool news. My poem "Vicodin Blues" was recently covered/sung by local, avant-grade, acousmatic, and experimental group Babay Jicks & The Ghoul Fiends! This marks the first time any of my poems has been turned into an actual song! It's pretty neat cover and I really like how they totally incorprated my words into their style. For those who've never heard of Babay Jicks, they might not get the The Ghoul Fiends' sound right away. So, for those of you who haven't heard of them check out their MySpace page as well as their page for full song downloads and streams.

They incoporate a lot of their influences really well, and everytime I see em' in person I always support them. Also, from what I understand, the lead singer and frontman tells me this is just a demo and will more than likely see the finished version in a couple of days or so. So, I'll post that whenever it gets officially released.

Anywho, without further adue, here is the "Vicodin Blues" cover:

Babay Jicks & The Ghoul Fiends - "Vicodin Blues" (With Trimmings)

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Hope Prevails

It's over.

The most grueling, frustrating, and emotionally draining presidential election of my generation has finally ended. Never has an election exposed American’s darkest intentions involving racism and sexism so carelessly into the media and politics. It was maddening. Coupled with the crumbling economy, it was enough to make any sane person, jump off the deep end.

However, tonight; November 4th, 2008 my generation, the people of my age came out to the polls. Hispanics, women, artists, gamers, movie-fans, writers, college students, Asians, and minorities of all kinds came out to show the world just how sick and tired we are of the pornography continuously spilled from George W. Bush’s pen.

This country needed a change. It needed a make-over. It needed a leader whom we can actually feel proud of, and tonight, we did just that.

Thank you to everybody whom voted for Barack Obama tonight and during early voting. I don’t think I could have survived another 4 years of the same-thing, same-song, karaoke-copy, bullshit-politics that McCain and Palin promised us. There was way to much at stake. Thank you all, from all over the United States.

Yes we can!

Monday, November 3, 2008

23, and still an emo kiddo.

I was prescribed Lorazepam today after a visit to my doctor. It's a benzo that will control my anxiety. Which is good, cause I've been having it pretty shitty since last week. I find myself extremely (yes, extremely) jittery and just as emotional if I'm drunk and depressed. I mean, it's pretty normal for me to cry like a baby during the ending to "Terminator 2" or "The Sixth Sense" while I am sober and fine. But these days I start tearing up watching Barack Obama make a speech as I my mind races with everything that is at stake if the old, white, fucker and his MILF wins this election. If I see or read anything remotely inspiring or uplifting, I start to tear up like a little girl watching the Jonah's Brothers in concert for the first time.

I hate it. It hurts more than you'd think too. Which is strange, but that's what's going on. I haven't taken the pills yet, as I am waiting for a few hours before I go to sleep. I hope they can help me out on that department. I hate waking up drenched in my cold sweat.

Anyway, tomorrow is the big day. Let's see if America is ready to let go of history and actually move forward for once. I have little hope in humanity, so please prove to me we are ready to get away from the same bullshit we've have had to endure all our lives.

Till, then. Buh-bye.

Friday, October 31, 2008

This is Halloween

*listening to "Halloween" by AFI*

So tonight's the night where there will be tons of teens dressed up as The Joker (or Batman for the kiddos). Should be funny to see. I am just going to stay here at the house and give away candy all night. Not much to do being all screwy and all.

I hope you guys out there have a ball though. There's going to be a lot of cool shit going down in Austin tonight, I hear. Also it'd be nice to go to the Lizard Lounge tonight, the pally's are all going and I am jealous. It sucks I can't be there. Oh, well. Atleast tomorrow morning I am going to try and score me some pit tickets to see The Killer's in February. Here's hoping I nail me those damn tickets!

Anywho, I've rambled long enough. Everybody have an awesome night and eat as much candy and sweets as possible. Candy never killed anybody. So, seeing as this is the last post of this month, I'll see ya'll in November. rofl

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

The Thin Man

Yesterday I was at San Antonio for a follow-up with my doctor to see how everything is going with my surgery and all that jazz. Despite still taking 2 to 3 pills for pain a day, the scars, my breathing, and blood pressure are all pretty steady. The next appointment with that doctor won’t be till like early January of 2009, so that’s always good news. However, what sucks is, it turns out I lost 10 pounds since October 6th. Now I weigh a staggering 99 pounds. I hadn’t weighed that low since like 2003 or something.

These damn surgeries really take a lot of me. It’s kind of sickening thinking about just how much more skinnier I have gotten. While I can’t really see it physically, the idea that the scales don’t lie really scare the shit out of me. It’s still a little difficult for me to finish eating full complete meals. I find myself just drinking a Coke or a Fanta and nibbling on a few cookies and eating like half a taco. The neighbor next door is really nice enough to cook a lunch for me, but I still can’t finish her meals. I feel it’s just too much. I don’t know what it is about all these surgical procedures, but they really diminish my appetite. I guess it starts at the hospital with all their shitty tasting food. Something about trying to eat some Corn Flakes while nurses force you to chug down some fucking shitty taking orange flavored Metamucil so you can take a shit better.

Argh. I know I am destined to do this forever, but really.. I don’t know how much I can take anymore. I don’t want to be wasting 3 to 4 months a year recovering from this stupid bullshit. I need to be out there, man. I need to go out and live, not recover and recover and recover. Fuck that shit. The beginning of the year was awesome. I started a new and I felt great. I took my life back and I aspired to do a lot of things. I was so close to death, that I felt I couldn’t pass up life anymore. Shit, I have an apartment up in Denton now.

But alas, I can’t seem to be enjoying these luxuries at the moment. Instead I spend my days taking meds and sleeping all day and night. I know I will get better soon, but really; how long till the next operation after I get healthier? I guess I shouldn’t think about stuff like that. But god dammit, I can’t help it sometimes.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

I did!

Have you? To quote my friend Laura's MSN name, Vote4Changeplx!

So ya'll know the drill.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Somewhat Damaged

Yeah, so I have been home for several days now. Still feel like crap, but very slowly as each day passes I get slightly better and am becoming more aware of things.

These painkillers really make you drowsy and yet sleeping is still very difficult for me. I wake up soaked in sweat within an hour. Sleeping on my side is especially hard for me to do. The new scar is really thick and stretches around my shoulder blade. Not very attractive in the slightest as you can see.

But everything went fine. There were no complications nor did anything go wrong with the surgery. Still, I'm going to be feeling pretty drained for a long while.

Thanks to all my pals who kept in touch and wished me a Happy Birthday while I was in the hospital. I really appreciate it for it makes recovering easier.

Thanks again.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Hospital Beds, I.V's, & Greedy Doctors

So on Monday (October 6th) I will undergo yet another heart surgery which will undoubtly be one of the first few in a long line of various operations. Whenever a doctor saw me and told me, "You're a very unique individal, you know that right?" they had a huge smile on their face. Perhaps I was suppose to feel flattered by these statements, but if you've spent a day in my shoes, you'd see right though this curse I have been so unforunately born with.

I'm worth too much money to be fully fixed up. There are bidding wars against whom should collect the rights to stick things inside my heart and nobody sees that more than I. I expect to make a full physical recovery from Monday's operation, but I know I'll just lose another part of my mental stability. These things really mess me up. However, I am going to try not to let it hold me down.

Obviously there will not be any updates to Another Pilot Down (let alone any other online art account of mine) for the next several days (or weeks) but rest assured when I get back to a some-what decent shape and that I am ready to go online you'll see the first updates from me here. And for those of you who like to stalk me I am sure you'll have my Facebook and MySpace on watch for my "current status" or whatever. Also, if you guys want to give me a call on my cellphone be sure to do that. You can call my cell anytime during the day/night if you'd like to catch up on things or know whether or not I lost my mind yet. I am going to try and have my cell on for as long as I can with me. (I'm taking my phone charger.) So feel free to call.

Again though, the next couple of months might be pretty uneventful interms of art or creativity. I honestly don't see myself drawing much and instead will mostly likely spend my days recovering watching all 200 episodes of Sailor Moon that I downloaded. lol!

Well, I guess I'll catch ya all later. Thanks for the support and always being there even when you didn't agree with me or my views. I appreciate any kind of support you all gave me during the year.

Seeya for now!

Saturday, October 4, 2008

The Final Two

The last two artworks from the “September Sessions” have finally been uploaded.

You can view my latest drawing, “Sick” at my website, DeviantART, SheezyArt, and at Self-Portrait. Also uploaded is a new poem I have been writing since like, January of this year. There are two versions of this poem, a “short version” and of course, the original (which is slightly longer). You can view the short version at Sheezy and Self Portrait, while the original version can only be found at my official website.

I don’t think I you need to know a lot about me to realize that these two pieces are some of the most personal works that I have ever done. When I do some very personal pieces I usually try to hide the message using several different literary or poetic devices so it is much more easier for me to really display my work. It’s almost as if I have my audience fooled.

But not this time. I am not proud of these works. In fact, I hate them. Both of them. The fact that they exist really kills my trip. Regardless, I’d rather be die an honest man than a fool who pretended to be somebody he wasn’t.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Wake Me Up When September Ends

The final two pieces of artwork from my very intensive and highly productive “September Sessions” will be released on Sunday, October 5th at the same time. These last two pieces of art will more than likely be the last uploaded to my website or art accounts for the rest of the year.

Unless something extraordinary happens, I don’t see myself finishing or creating new artworks until early 2009.

It has a been a rather productive month and while I do not like my current situation, this past year has been a good one to me. I was very successful with my art actually being displayed in an art show, my Trent Reznor portrait was published in a foreign magazine, I got to take a picture with Chester Bennington of Linkin Park, I went to a lot of concerts with my brother Jaime, and I have an apartment up in Denton.

While next week looks to be another physically and mentally enduring time for my life, I am making a promise to myself not to fall into darkness. I need to remain strong in these coming weeks that are ahead of me. I am making a promise not to let negative thoughts or acting on angry emotions get the best of me.

I promise to be strong as I can be.

Oh, and hopefully not miss The Sarah Connor Chronicles. lol!

Monday, September 29, 2008

Year One


So yeah, I'm back in Laredo. *rolls eyes*

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Updates to My Website

I made it a point to consentrait on my website today and give it some much needed updates. Well, nothing to much. I just kind of changed the layout to the original artwork section just a little bit but the biggest change that I gave the site was my Artist Statement in the Profile section. It was really outdated before (and hardly a statement of my work). It was more of a "what I plan to do" and was written back in high school. I'm glad I wrote a new one and is better reflective of me and my art.

Anywho, the final drawings and poems from the September Sessions will premire sometime in the early days of October (or maybe a lot sooner).

Sunday, September 21, 2008

What? A New Cynical Chameleon Drawing?!

"Dick Drawing for Mariel" (Cynical Chameleon 20)

OMG!! It's a BIG PENIS!!! O_O!!

Ouch, that has got to hurt. Kinda like a girl's first time having sex, no? I would imagine the pain might hurt just as much as being poked in the butt by that ugly sausage McMuffin I drew above. I guess life is just bonkers like that. We worship and indulgence in the weirdest things. *goes back to drink his Long Island Ice Teas*

So what's this post about?

Oh yeah, my penis drawing.

Okay well, this was done for my friend Mariel (obviously, since it says in the name. Like, dduuhhh.) *rolls eyes*

Oh look, here is a picture of me and her after I had a few Long Islands (or was it wine? I can't be bothered to remember.):

Okay, so like.. have any of you seen the movie Superbad? Ya know, the overrated teen comedy about two kids trying to lose their virginity before they get out of high school (boy, that's a VERY ORIGINAL MOVIE, now that I think about it!)? I don't think anybody has ever thought of such an original plotline before!! It's good to see movies thinking outside of the box.


Wait, what the fuck? Okay, so whatever. Long story short, if you've seen the movie you know that Seth (the main character) drew a lot of dicks and cocks in his notebook while growing up. It's this weird backstory that he had. In his notebook he'd morph penis and dicks into like people, monsters, or dinos and shit. Okay, so anyway, Mariel (being the fan of the movie that she is actually bought the "Superbad Notebook" as you can see by the pictures below.

So, since Mariel really likes how I draw penis' and dicks she asked if I could draw one for her notebook (she has a lot of her friends do dick drawings in it). I guess she collects different artists renditions of dicks. So being the awesome heterosexual that I am, I thought sure why not! It's not often that I get to draw a lt of dicks so I'll do a nice one.

And I did.

It's a Cynical Chameleon drawing.

Like, totally WTF, right?

Saturday, September 20, 2008

The Joker & Harley Quinn in Rock Band 2

So, it's no suprise that I've been pretty much playing RB2 non-stop since it's release last Sunday. Well, aside from creating my character Ice back from Rock Band 1, I decided to do something cool and create more characters for our friends to play as instead of using a stock character. So I went ahead and created both The Joker and Harley Quinn from Batman.

Needless to say, they were a lot of fun to make. I created everything about them and I'm really proud of the results. I'm especially proud of Harley. I wanted to totally modernize her like the way Heath Ledger modernized the Joker in TDK. It was tough (not like they have any jester-style clothes) but in the end I came up with a Harley Quinn for the generation. She came out more psyhotic looking than Joker! I guess it's cause I was free to experiment with a wide varitey of looks. As you can see by the pictures below I went for the smeared make-up look.

Also, I am aware that they have a black normal mask (the kind that Harley does use in the Batman cartoon), but I decided that I'd rather have her in make-up than a mask. Oh, also I'm really proud of the Joker's "Why So Serious?" guitar that I designed. Everybody who comes by really like's what I did with the characters.

Okay so without further adue, here are the pictures of Joker and Harley!

Thursday, September 18, 2008

The Long September

I have to be honest here, despite getting and having a good time playing the new Rock Band 2 game with my friends, things inside this little skull of mine have been pretty down in the dumps. These past couple of days I’ve just been thinking about a lot of things. About this past year. I’ve never really liked this month at all. Like my friend Valerie, I too can attest how September’s never been a month for mercy. I’m starting to believe that last year’s September never really did end for me.

Though, one thing that has been bothering me is my cousin Adam. He had gotten married this past Spring and it looks as if he’s going to be getting a divorce very soon. I shouldn’t talk or say anything, but it looks as if his entire world is coming crashing down. He isn’t in a very good position at all and if what I have heard is true, then he was played beyond repair. It’s very devastating to me and it really brings me down cause he’s the kind of guy who’s really worked hard for everything he’s had.

I can only hope if he get’s through this that he leaves Laredo and joins his brother up in Austin for a fresh new start. I think that’s the best way to go. I find that being away from Laredo there is so much freedom. I like that I can start anew here in Denton. It is exciting, but only if you want it to be.

Which is why it bothers me when your past starts to catch up to you. I first wanted to leave Laredo as a means of running away from that place. My room was no longer my room, my house no longer felt as if it was mine, and it was only when I was away from there that I could truly feel well about myself and life in general. So I left to Denton. But I guess you can only run so far cause mentally, if you haven’t yet reconciled with your past mistakes then you can’t really move the way you’d like.

So because of this, because of this freedom, it’s so easy for my memories and monsters to creep up inside my lonely head. While I have always been having dreams about her, it seems lately they’ve been more than ever. I miss her a lot. I can’t seem to fully enjoy myself because the dreams and memories are becoming much more sharper and much more deeper.

But I suppose this is my punishment.
It really sucks.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Yes, sir!

Sunday, September 14, 2008

New Drawing Added!!

"Faith in God"

My latest drawing has been added to both my website and DeviantART.

Hope you guys like it. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some rocking to get back too. ;)

Friday, September 12, 2008

..a little bit of faith..

From the September Sessions

Coming This Sunday
September 14th, 2008


Oh, check this out. Eddee informed me that "Waxing Poetica" came is being featured at the LCC Student Show!

Anyway, enjoy the teaser for now.