I have to be honest here, despite getting and having a good time playing the new Rock Band 2 game with my friends, things inside this little skull of mine have been pretty down in the dumps. These past couple of days I’ve just been thinking about a lot of things. About this past year. I’ve never really liked this month at all. Like my friend Valerie, I too can attest how September’s never been a month for mercy. I’m starting to believe that last year’s September never really did end for me.
Though, one thing that has been bothering me is my cousin Adam. He had gotten married this past Spring and it looks as if he’s going to be getting a divorce very soon. I shouldn’t talk or say anything, but it looks as if his entire world is coming crashing down. He isn’t in a very good position at all and if what I have heard is true, then he was played beyond repair. It’s very devastating to me and it really brings me down cause he’s the kind of guy who’s really worked hard for everything he’s had.
I can only hope if he get’s through this that he leaves Laredo and joins his brother up in Austin for a fresh new start. I think that’s the best way to go. I find that being away from Laredo there is so much freedom. I like that I can start anew here in Denton. It is exciting, but only if you want it to be.
Which is why it bothers me when your past starts to catch up to you. I first wanted to leave Laredo as a means of running away from that place. My room was no longer my room, my house no longer felt as if it was mine, and it was only when I was away from there that I could truly feel well about myself and life in general. So I left to Denton. But I guess you can only run so far cause mentally, if you haven’t yet reconciled with your past mistakes then you can’t really move the way you’d like.
So because of this, because of this freedom, it’s so easy for my memories and monsters to creep up inside my lonely head. While I have always been having dreams about her, it seems lately they’ve been more than ever. I miss her a lot. I can’t seem to fully enjoy myself because the dreams and memories are becoming much more sharper and much more deeper.
But I suppose this is my punishment.
It really sucks.