Another Pilot Down: The Artwork of George Gonzalez

Friday, December 19, 2008

Oh, the Holiday Blues.. (Yippie 4 Anxiety!!)

Aye, these past several days have been really annoying for me. I haven't really felt like myself. Yesturday my cousin Alison and fellow Denton-roomate Jesus came over and (out of all the days I could have felt like crap) it was that one. Argh, it was so annoying!! I wanted to hang out with them, but during the day I kept throwing up every single meal for no reason. So it left me feeling so "out of it".

These days it seems as if I have been feeling so physically weak and fragile; (and not to be outdone) my oh-so-amazing mental state has decided to try and one up the physical side with (my new BFF) ANXIETY! :D

Yup, since my Lorazepalm (anti-depression/anxiety benzo) ran out a few weeks ago, my nervousness and insecurities have decided to gang up on me now that I have nothing to defend myself with. For instance, late last night I had the shittiest anxiety attack that I have ever experienced. If I was just jumpy and nervous before, now I was bouncing off the walls. More than before. I mean, I've had the usual moments where I am just paranoid and being scared of my surroundings, but last night took the cake. I couldn't control my arms and my heart was beating at a faster pace and my mind was spinning and spinning. It sucked. I was trying to talk to Kay on the phone, and I just could not hold a converstation with her. On my end, I was so busy just trying to stop from ripping things apart. I tried sketching and just kept drawing random lines, stars, and squares. I also kept writing this one phrase I am not sure I got it from, but after looking at the drawing today it reads; "Die With The Rest of Us". Sounds like the usual angsty me, but last night was so bad I couldn't control it. Too bad, nothing great came out of it.

I bored Kay so much she feel asleep after I just wasn't saying anything. Can't say I blame her.

However, (my situation might actually have happy ending) after going to bed at 4:30 in the morning, I woke up to some crappy news from my mom saying I had an emergency appointment with my doctor. Apparently my heart doctor in San Antonio found some nasty things wrong in a recent CAT Scan I had and wanted my doctor here in Laredo to see me about it. So needless to say, I had to get dressed quickly and go find out what the hell happened.

Aaannnyyywwwaaayyy, long story short. Nothing was wrong, it was just some crap that happens when a person gets sick and while I have a really minor cough (not like the sickness I had the last week of November), that's all it was. Needless to say, I felt like using the opportunity to get a refill on my Lorazeplam.

And I did.

The sad man grins. ;)

No comments: