Raging Gracefully

I've been kind of busy in my little laboratory putting my god damn neurosis onto paper. Things are going okay, but I’d really like to get my own easel since some of my work is getting a bit bigger.

Oh, so I’ve been listening to the new Offspring album, “Rise and Fall, Rage and Grace” (which is scheduled to come out next week) all day yesterday and today in my lil‘ Zune 30. I gotta say, the album is fantastic! Boy, I’ve missed these guys. The last time we had a proper album was back in 2003. Shhessh, time has most certainly gone by. “Rage and Grace” is defiantly the album they needed to make. There isn’t any “joke” songs and most of the lyrics are much more deeper and have a twisted kind of meaning to them. I mean, for one thing “Hammerhead” starts off as a political anti-war kind of song but it isn’t towards the end of the track that you realize it was taken into the perspective of a student doing a school shooting. “Kristy, Are You Doing, Ok?” is about Dexter talking about girl he used to be friends with as a kid whom was sexually abused and “A Lot Like Me“ has to be one of more melancholic sounding tunes that Dexter has written since “Amazed” back on 1997’s “Ixnay on the Hombre.”

So The Offspring took themselves pretty seriously on this record, and I love it! The band has grown up with me and I‘m glad. :D With songs like “Half-Truism”, “A Lot Like Me”, “Nothingtown”, “Fix You”, and “Shit is Fucked Up” I hear myself in those songs these days. Still at 22, the group that will forever have a place in my heart is still writing the soundtrack to mah life. Oh, and let us not forget “You’re Gunna Go Far, Kid”.. finally The Offspring did a dance track! OMG, me likely mucho.

Well, that’s all. I need to go back to work, these little monsters aren’t going to finish themselves.

Everywhere-Man

Tonight was Mrs. Bausman's art show at the Laredo Center for the Arts. A few of us got to go to it but some of the other crew were either stuck at work or couldn't make it because they were probably passed out or something. Still, it the show was neat. Though they ran out of wine a little to quickly. I was kinda buzzing for about a good hour and a half. Sucks.

I met one of Eddie's friends, Cindy whom told me that she had seen some of my work. Apparently Eddie showed her "War Porn" (the uncensored edition over at my Self-Portrait.net account). She liked it a lot, and said I had a lot of talent. But since she is an older woman she is a bit more conservative about certain parts of that drawing in which she said she "couldn't look at", which I understand wholeheartedly. Alas she wanted to know where a lot of that sort of thing comes from and I basically told her where a lot of my ideas come from and why it is the way they are.

It was a nice time. Oh, and apparently Mrs. Bausman had "Throwing Up Water & Acid" hung in her bedroom wall for awhile. Unfortunately she took it down because her son (who also was at the show) was "scared of it" and demanded that it be taken out cause he didn't like the figure. I thought that was funny. I usually joke that my artwork "scares kids" and here is a perfect example of just that.

But it meant a lot to me that she actually had it hung on her wall. It made me realize that people are listening. Things are going further than what I could have ever pictured as a 22 year old Hispanic with a crutch. People do understand and they are getting something out of my artwork.

Alas, back in internet-land, I think I am unintentionally making an enemy in my DeviantART account over some of my beliefs and things that I have mentioned in "War Porn". While I'm glad I'm challenging those around me and allowing users and viewers to be more aware of issues that affect not just women but society as a whole; I feel some people are just there to argue and not necessarily learn anything. Which of course doesn't get anybody, anywhere.

Still I'm optimistic and I think the persons in question are willing to learn and not try to just be a bully of some kind.

some kind of dispondent feeling

-_-

I'm not gonna lie, but lately I have been a such an asshole to some of my friends. I've pissed a lot of them off and thus are staying clear from me. I don't know why I am doing it. I don't know where a lot of this aggression is coming from. The only thing that I do I know is that I am doing a hell of a good job making those around me; avoid me.. and it sucks.

I'm sorry you guys. I don't know why I've just been so angry and depressed lately. I seem to be snapping easier these days. It doesn't even take a lot for me to snap.

Maybe I just miss being on a road and away from here? I had such a good time at my concerts, maybe I'm pissy I don't have that anymore. Maybe it's easier getting by while I am at school. I can function normally like a regular kid my age if I just continuously surround myself with tons of people.

Perhaps that's it. I've stopped “living” dramatically and the only person I really have to talk to is myself, and I can tell you he isn't much of a good friend at all. Urgh.. existentialism is-oh-so great. : /

Again, I’m sorry you guys. You know who you are..

Well isn't that funny.

I'm number 1 in the Self-Portrait.net Studio Arts category and my friend Eddie is number 3.

Heh. I guess I shouldn't let children get me down if I am obviously number one. >:D

No Place For Me

Well (as assumed) my latest entry was deleted from Sheezy as was my political rebel yell, "War Porn". :(

Some of my finest peices and yet they're getting deleted. How am I suppose change the world if I'm continuously getting removed.

Anyway, I got a "warning" from Sheezy saying that my work is pornographic and went on to quote their Terms of Service. Here's what the mod had to say:

-------
The below submissions have been removed because they were deemed pornographic for the listed reasons:

Artwork #1793048:
"A Moment to Myself": explicitly depicted sexual act

Artwork #1775638:
"War Porn": masturbation

If you continue to post images depicting pornographic material, you will be banned.
-------

Suddenly my art gets reduced too "images depicting pornographic material" and not.. well.. art. That pisses me off. Is it my fault that you found it arousing? It wasn't suppose to get you off. "A Moment to Myself" depicted my state of loneliness and was my small way of expressing myself as to how I felt during the months of October, November, and early December as I was recovering from my emergency heart surgery. I’m sorry Sheezy, that I am not like 97% of the twits in your site who post MS Paint Bitmaps of their ultra-super-original-anime/ninja/furry-hybrid character with the lopsided double D breast and the spikey hair hero with a huge sword.

Sorry that it actually takes me a long time to draw something and actually deem it art. I can’t take a shit like you all and call that art because, quite frankly, I take it too seriously to disrespect the medium like that. So it really pisses me off that you all belittle my work like that when I have far more talent on my fucked up spinal cord than any of your staff will ever even begin to comprehend.

So fuck you SheezyArt and fuck you too nike13. You god damn, piece of shit hypocrite. You do nothing but Ecchi and get away with it. I guess I now understand why you kept “Incarcerated Dearest” uploaded for so long. Little bitch.. you're just another lost cause.. lost in your saftely blanket.

But whatever, whatever. Stay stupid idiots. Like Kay keeps telling me, I am getting much more successful outside of the internet. I don’t think I could ever be as successful as I am now doing jpegs such as this. Come to think of it, I don't think I can look at myself in mirror with a straightface trying to convince myself into believing that I am artist or let alone, think I am talented. I'm not blind to the facts.

..so about that Virgin wine I mentioned in my description.

apathy returns it's offence

My latest peice of shit has been uploaded to SheezyArt and my official website. Don't see it. Don't comment.

So I wouldn't leave my oh-so-precious-account without anything, I decided to upload "Katherine" to my always loyal DeviantART account. It had been on Sheezy for about a week now.

"Katherine" was the last drawing I did in my Life Drawing class. Infact, the photo doesn't do it justice at all. The physical one is pretty neat, and I think I should consider frameing it. In terms of design and space, I did a decent job.

Oh, and so far the comments for "A Moment to Myself" have been what I expected out the Sheezy. Anime kids. *rolls eyes*

Though with that said, I get the feeling the admins will be taking it off soon. -_-

Dear Journal,

Hi, it's me Doug.

Well today was a really laid back day. Not a whole lot happened in my world. I suppose that's good. But I can't help but feel as if nothing productive really happened. Skeeter came by for a bit, but it was only to borrow some of Judy's pot. I guess I should start drawing in a bit. Oh wait, Beebe is calling me.

Hold on.

Oh, okay.

She just wanted to know the showtimes for the movie Prince Caspian.

Well, anyway I'm really close of finishing up new drawing, "A Moment to Myself" which is one of my most homoerotic/twisted/perverted work to date. The more I think about it, I don't think I will be releasing this one on DeviantART (same thing applies to MySpace, Self Portrait, and even this blog). Rodger, Patty, Connie, and Chauky are on my friends list and I don't think I want them to see that picture. While the drawing is suppose to be humorous (see, I don't take everything to seriously) it might be misinterpreted very differently and I just don't want to put up with that. It will be an exclusive to SheezyART and my website.

It should premire in a few days so keep an eye out for that. (Porkchop has seen it and says it's the weirdest one yet.)

As for uploading, "War Porn" and "Fuck My Face" back on DeviantART again, I am still thinking about how exactly that's going to be. Oh and just to let ya'll know, for whatever reason MySpace deleted "Rust" from my Drawings album a couple of days ago. I'm not sure why since my more strange and pornographic drawing, "The Gimp" is still uploaded. I just don't get it. @_@ (This country can be a little weird.)

Anyway Journal, I will end off by saying that I'm glad it's finally June! Only seventeen more days for THE NEW BEETS ALBUM! "Rise and Fall, Rage and Grace"!! I can't wait. I think it's going to be the best album by The Beets to date! Also we are one more month closer for the new Quailman movie! THE DARK QUAIL!! It's going to be awesome. I'm sure Heath Ledger is going to get an Oscar nod for sure.