Rise and Fall, Rage and Grace

..maybe it's the high of accomplishment or how the universe around me has been acting this entire month, but I feel that I am the happiest person in the world. I have thought about this for some weeks now, but my life at the moment seems to be headed in all the right directions. I've told a few people this, but I feel like sharing anyway; I think I have reached the end of it all. If I were to die tomorrow or years later, I would want you all to know that I have accomplished everything I ever set out to do in my life. To quote Bill Murry in Ghostbusters; "we came, we saw, we kicked it's ass!" Though this ain't about ghosts, this is straight from my heart. ;)

Since my heart attack a year and half ago, I have now become much more healthier and stable. Shit, I will even go as far and say that I am much more healither now than I have been all my life! I can withstand more, walk faster, and I am hardly as tired. For such a long time I felt I wouldn't have been able to recover or correct all that was wrong with my health and life. I was in such a deep state of both anger and depression that I did not think all would ever be well. One a big casuality in this was my relationship with my mom. For such a long time since the incident, I resented her and she knew it all too well. In drunken fits of rage, I made it no secret to anybody around me how much I was angry at her. I was also angry at myself and if you take a look at the artwork done throughout 2008, you'd see a lot of that aggression depicted. For such a long time, there was a bitter taste and I knew she felt equally like shit for everything that had happened.

It took awhile and a lot of talking throughout the year(s) to really fix things between us. Which fills me with relief to tell you all that things couldn't be more perfect between us. She is somebody who has supported me throughout my life and, while we both have made our fair share of mistakes, it doesn't matter anymore. She is my biggest fan and I want it to remain that way. I'm thankful and glad to have the family that I have, because that is rare in this day and age.

At the same time, it is also no suprise to anyone of my friends or relatives that my friendships were either damaged or just destroyed during that time period. Yet, as I recovered throughout the months after the emergency operation I tried my best to fix my friendships. I know I have made mistakes, but after trying to rebuild and fix things internal and external, I find myself with a strong sense of accomplishment. All is well in my Gotham City. I have some of the best friends that would make everybody else in the whole planet jealous. I value them all in my life and I don't take them for granted.

School in Denton has also been a fantastic experience. It's so challengeing and rewarding. I love the workload, the tension, and the all-night study sessions! I know it's crazy and I honestly thought I would never in my most fucked up of dreams ever say something like that, but I can't help it. I love what I do and I try very hard for my grades. I have met some really neat and cool people up in D-town, and I enjoy their company very much. It's such a liberal, open-minded, and artistic community that it honestly makes me want to just live there forever!

I love going to concerts and I do it more often now. I have seen many of my favorite bands and artists. Hung out and became friends with some of them. Their music touches me in ways that can never be explained and I love that just fine! I have even seen my heroes on stage and I met Dexter Holland, my hero for more than half of my life. As I said, I can honestly stop everything now, and be satisfied with my life.

Insignificant things are no longer sad or distressing. I turn on the TV and see a crisis on the news. I see the president I elected making a mockary of what I stood for.. but I can tell you with a smile on my face that I don't care at all. Things that used to bother me don't matter anymore. That kid who bothered me doesn't matter anymore.

You see, I have achieved my consolation prize and I am thankful for that. I don't think there is anybody in the world who can say that. Hell, I don't think there is anybody who actually say that with a straight and honest face.

But I can. I have done it all now.

I got my "simple kind of life."

Eleven years later.. the best day ever.

I have seen Green Day live. Linkin Park twice. Nine Inch Nails four times. Cold twice. theSTART twice.

..and so on, and so forth.

But there is really only one band that has gotten away so many times, so much so, that the joke became unfunny over the years. That band is, the Offspring. Since 1998, I have been a fan of them. I wore their symbol around my neck like a god damn crucifix each and every day. I wore it proudly and have always taken it to every show that I have ever been too. I sported their posters and have all their music memorized by heart. They are, above all others (forever and ever) my favorite rock band.

Back in 2002, during their Conspiracy of One tour the band did an extensive North American tour that had both theSTART and the International Noise Conspiracy as openers. One of their stops was at the Sunken Gardens in San Antonio, TX. Being the huge fan that I was I got bought tickets for my mom, dad, and brother. I was so excited I could not wait. However, this did not last. The only tour date that the band cancelled in that year was the San Antonio one. I was crushed. I couldn't believe that the only one concert date that I was going too was cancelled. I felt as if somebody was playing a sick joke.

Years later, the band avoided playing several Texas shows. When they did return for San Antonio it was the Summer of 2004 as a part of the Warped Tour. Always being against those kinds of festivel tours, I made the contraversial choice of not going. Why bother sitting in the hot sun to watch a 100 run-of-the-mill punk bands, only to see The Offspring for half an hour?? It just didn't make sense to me. The band deserved better.

Now lets flash forward to 2009: The Offspring have returned with an extensive North American summer tour, appropriately titled the "Shit Is Fucked Up Tour." The band just finished playing two Texas dates last night, and yours truly was at the Austin, Texas show.

It was hands down one of the greatest experiences of my life! Behind the scenes, my mom had gotten in contact with somebody from the venue (which was, Stubb's BBQ), and tried to see if the band was going to do a meet and greet. Having no control over these sort of things, the marketing manager who worked at Stubb's tried anyway.

Low and behold, my name was submitted to the KROX radio station contest winners list.We were going to get a very intimate acoustic set by both Dexter and Noodles! Me and Jaime got to go about 3 and half hours before the Stubb's show and got to see the band peform! In the acoustic set (which was being recorded for the radio station), Dexter and Noodles played, "Kristy, Are You Doing Okay?", "The Kids Aren't Alright", and "Come Out And Play." After that, one lucky winner got to play Noodles at Guitar Hero: World Tour. As they set it up, I got to talk to Dexter Holland himself!! I told him how I was also going to their show in Las Vegas later in the month. After, he signed my booklet of "Ixnay on the Hombre", I took a picture with him.



..the photo I have been waiting for, for so many years. After all my trials and tribulations, I felt that my moment was finally here.

After the get-together, Dex and Noodles had to head out to the venue and so did me and Jaime. Now that we met the band, it was time to see them rock out. After watching the openers, Street Dogs (whom were really fucking cool) and the Alkaline Trio, I noticed the crowd getting bigger and much more hostile. Afraid I might end up getting crushed to bits and peices like I was during my second outing with Mindless Self Indulgence last year, I decided to ask a security guard if there was any place I could be at to see the show. The dude was so nice, he was like, "Yeah! Sure, why didn't you say this sooner?? I'll take you to the VIP section." I was so excited!







I got to see The Offspring perform from the saftey of the second floor balcony. No seats, just leaning on the rail down at the stage and crowd. They blasted through all their hits and included some of their fastest songs. The mosh pits were insane and lasted throughout their entire set! (They even moshed during the slow songs, "Gone Away" and "Kristy.") One of the coolest moments was when they played, "Have You Ever" and "Staring at the Sun" just like the order in "Americana" album. Very cool, very fun, very emotional. "Gone Away" was performed on piano which sounded so beautiful and rocking. I really hope the band decides to do a studio recording of that. "Alot Like Me" off of "Rise and Fall, Rage and Grace" made it's live debut in our set which was totally AMAZING. It is definetely the song I related to the most in that album, so I was so psyched that they performed it.










I could continue to go on and one, but really.. it was an amazing day. I am so glad that I am going to see them again in Las Vegas on the 30th. It is going to be a lot of fun. There was nothing that could have made the day any better. It was everything I could have ever imagined and more. During the song "Half-Truism", the lyrics in the chorus go; "..if we don't make it alive, well it's a hell of a good day to die."

Nobody in the audience that night yelled that with more honesty than I.

Overdriven Raccoons

..stand tall friends. We are a one, we are strong. We shall prevail.

God speed, Mat.

Oh, you should really pay that warrent. I'd hate to see you in jail.

Dead Week

It’s almost over!

Woah, it’s been a hell of a semester. I can imagine how insanely slow LCC must be if I were to go back doing the amount of work that I do now on a full schedule. It’d be child’s play. It wouldn’t even compare. This experience has taught me just how much I can take and I love it! I feel so challenged and the stress feels good on the skin baby. Even physically I am able to take much more and I don’t feel as tired. I’ve done so much, and I am actually looking forward to more semesters here. I think I am enjoying taking up the “work oriented” role because it makes me focused on things that actually matter and not so much trivial BS that some of my fellow peers try to struggle with. Plus, in the rare occasion that I do get nights off it makes it oh-so-sweeter.

Unfortunately, what does suck is sometimes I have to miss out on certain events. For instance, I was so disappointed that I didn’t get to go out to Louie’s 21st birthday party at Hailey’s. It was 90’s night, and I had my grungy pants and Nirvana t-shirt ready to go. But both me and the Jamester had to skip out because we had way too much work to finish up. : (

So tomorrow I have the dreaded “review” that many of my classmates have been talking about. Basically, what this means is that the “big wigs” (I guess the head guys of the Painting and Drawing college) are going to review our “5 best paintings” of both Painting I and Painting II classes. Only problem of this is, I took Painting I in LCC and I don’t have any of those paintings with me! Luckly, I do have 5 paintings that I have done and all of them are some of my best work. If they are reviewed well enough, I can move on to the Intermediate Painting classes. (That said, those I have talked to about this all say it’s a very easy review.) So to be honest, I am not really that nervous.

Despite the movie reviews, I really want to see “Wolverine” and the upcoming, “Star Trek.” But all this work has had me to skip out on such things. I’ve also really wanted to see “Crank 2: High Voltage” and “Adventureland” because I want to see mindless awesome action.



Oh, I finally got to see “Funny Games” (US Version) last night based on everybody’s recommendation. I thought it was a little overrated, and while I love what the director tried to get at.. I felt it could have been slightly more interesting. It also wasn’t as graphic as I thought it would be. Somehow the trailer looks more sinister than the actual movie. Regardless, it had it’s good moments and the potential to really say something in the time of “Hostel” and “Saw” films.

Hmm. Now I want to see more “torture” films. I think Mr. Haneke just proved his point.

“You shouldn’t forget the importance of entertainment.”

If Twitter was a blog entry, it would look like..

..this!


So, I have been busy.
Sorry for the lack of updates fellow friends.
I'm sure those of you on Facebook and (my new love) Twitter, have undoubtly notice.. I have been juggling many things at once.

In order to not go into specific details, here are some photos and comments with rapid action!


Saw Franz Ferdinand last night.
Got drunk.


Been very busy painting and doing new art.
Check out the WIPs over at my MySpace page.


Cold reunited. Saw them last week.


Me and my cousin Fernie met Scooter, Sam, and Terry.
Got a signed poster.


Two weeks ago I was stuck painting myself and..


..Aimee Echo!
Both of these paintings are finished and currently hung on the wall.
Except for myself portrait. :p
It's on the floor.

I also got a 125 out of 100 points in my Art Appreciation assignment inwhich I showcased, "Watered-Down Hues", "War Porn", "Like The Asian Holocaust", and "The Forgotten Trial of Jamie Leigh Jones".
Felt proud.

Masturbated.

Went to bars.

Saw and meet the band, Nothing More.

Got a high C on my Goverment test.

That was bullshit.

Should have been higher.

Spent a lot of money.

Bought tickets to go see The Offspring in Austin.

Joined Green Day's fan club, "Idiot Club"

Stupid name for a club.

I say.

Needs to do an essay before Monday.

Ordered Female Trouble/The Pink Flamingos 2-pack DVD.

3 weeks ago.

Hasn't arrived.

Been talking to Sarah a lot these days.

Wants to buy the Persepolis graphic novel.

Buy it for me.

Drinking so much coke.

My Scarlett J. background is more high res than your face.

Seriously images shouldn't be this gigantic.

I bought a cool Ozymandias/Adrian action figure.

Be jealous.


I ate some Mac & Cheese.

An observation: “Spics”, “Faggots”, & “Niggers”

This isn’t so much a rant, as it is just a personal observation on the controversies and overall usage of racial/taboo slurs. I don’t want to get very in-depth with this as I’m a busy body and don’t really feel like typing at all really, so I‘m going to use two examples that I felt were worth mentioning. I also don‘t have any answers, and merely state questions for some to ponder over. :P


Okay, so over the weekend Green Day released the full track listing and lyrics to their songs off their upcoming album, “21st Century Breakdown.” Upon reading the lyrics to some of the songs, one will notice that Billie Joe uses the word “niggers” in the song, “American Eulogy: Mass Hysteria.” Here is the stanza in which it appears:

The punch line is a natural disaster
And it's sung by the unemployed
Because the martyr is a compulsive liar
When he said,
"It's just a bunch of niggers throwing gas into the hysteria"

Needless to say, the word has gotten a stir out of some Green Day fans. Many only focusing strictly on that word alone. At the time of writing this, it hasn’t made headlines in the popular music sites, and I honestly hope a big deal isn’t made out of this. While, I know it’s offensive and the word was constructed strictly to belittle a race/group of people, it isn’t written as a way to demean people. Rather, Billie Joe is using it to criticize the people who would say something like that. The song is in reference to hurricane Katrina and how the American government wrote off the severity of the disaster due to race and class.

Which leads me my next thought. Back in the “American Idiot” album Billie used the word, “Faggot” and “Fags” in two different songs. Again, in reference to conservatives or extremists who would want to subjugate homosexuals. However, my issue is that I saw only a few people actually say anything about that.

Suddenly it seems as if African Americans are more important than homosexuals? Why do the majority of people feel that saying things like, “that’s so gay” or “stop being a fag” is more acceptable than saying the word “nigger”? I don’t have the answers, I’m just stating the questions. Why is it more offensive to belittle blacks and not as offensive to belittle homosexuals? Is it because society is still very sexist and just better at hiding their racism?

Another example of this kind of "class and racism” ordeal is the case of the last two "Resident Evil" games.


“Resident Evil 5” made headlines an entire year before the game was released because the teaser trailer for the game had imagery of the games lead protagonist, Chris Redfield shooting African American villagers at point blank range. The game got heavy scrutiny and many blogged about it’s usage of African American stereotypes. For any gamer and any Resident Evil fan, you knew it was up for discussion whether in online message boards or in hang-outs.


So in order stomp on some of the controversies the developers at Capcom created Sheva Alomar, a thin, strong, sexy, African American woman to help you shoot down the Africans. As if this move was suppose to end the racist overtones of the game. (Good job with the sexist overtones though! Me and the boyz aren’t complainin’/sarcasm.)

My problem with this is that, virtually NOBODY mentioned anything about racism in the games prequel, “Resident Evil 4.” For starters, both games follow the exact same formula (so much so that after me and my brother played the demo, we figured we wouldn’t buy it because it was just a repackaged RE4). The only difference in RE5 is that instead of shooting African American individuals you’re shooting Hispanics and those of Spanish decent. I always found that to be a problem, but I thought nothing of it even though it was a jab at my heritage and race.

So I stress my questions some more; why is it more offensive to demean blacks and not as offensive to degrade Mexicans or Chicanos?

I guess my point is that: sexism and racism on any level is wrong. Whether it’s intentional or unintentional, racism and sexism (in all it’s disgusting faces) is destructive on all levels. To single out certain demeaning words while you let others go freely doesn’t do justice to anybody. The damage still inflicted. The fact that sexists and racists exist in the first place is exactly why these things should be destroyed on all it’s levels.

Yes, these words exist and they are harmful and those who do you use them need to use them with extreme caution in this day and age. However, you should ask yourself, had Billie Joe written "It's just a bunch of spics throwing gas into the hysteria", would have you have gotten offended? The songs meaning still applies, only another equally demeaning word is in it’s place.

I ain’t no fucking hero.

I’m just trying to survive myself.



Where does a healthy mental strength come from? Is it the ability to stop caring? Tyler says, that to lose all hope is to be free. But what’s the point of being free if those around you are locked inside their own cells.

Sometimes I want to leave my private Gotham City and go back to my dark and desolate Basin City. I can’t take the idea of letting my city rot before my eyes. I can’t stop it and those around me tell me to let go. “Let the chips fall were they may.”

Even my professor told me. “Don’t be a hero.”

So what’s the point then? Let everything fall apart and go about my way no matter how many times I may step into the corrupt and depressing red vomit it leaves all over the floor? Then what do I accomplish like that? Why this constant loop of running within square one?