Rise and Fall, Rage and Grace

..maybe it's the high of accomplishment or how the universe around me has been acting this entire month, but I feel that I am the happiest person in the world. I have thought about this for some weeks now, but my life at the moment seems to be headed in all the right directions. I've told a few people this, but I feel like sharing anyway; I think I have reached the end of it all. If I were to die tomorrow or years later, I would want you all to know that I have accomplished everything I ever set out to do in my life. To quote Bill Murry in Ghostbusters; "we came, we saw, we kicked it's ass!" Though this ain't about ghosts, this is straight from my heart. ;)

Since my heart attack a year and half ago, I have now become much more healthier and stable. Shit, I will even go as far and say that I am much more healither now than I have been all my life! I can withstand more, walk faster, and I am hardly as tired. For such a long time I felt I wouldn't have been able to recover or correct all that was wrong with my health and life. I was in such a deep state of both anger and depression that I did not think all would ever be well. One a big casuality in this was my relationship with my mom. For such a long time since the incident, I resented her and she knew it all too well. In drunken fits of rage, I made it no secret to anybody around me how much I was angry at her. I was also angry at myself and if you take a look at the artwork done throughout 2008, you'd see a lot of that aggression depicted. For such a long time, there was a bitter taste and I knew she felt equally like shit for everything that had happened.

It took awhile and a lot of talking throughout the year(s) to really fix things between us. Which fills me with relief to tell you all that things couldn't be more perfect between us. She is somebody who has supported me throughout my life and, while we both have made our fair share of mistakes, it doesn't matter anymore. She is my biggest fan and I want it to remain that way. I'm thankful and glad to have the family that I have, because that is rare in this day and age.

At the same time, it is also no suprise to anyone of my friends or relatives that my friendships were either damaged or just destroyed during that time period. Yet, as I recovered throughout the months after the emergency operation I tried my best to fix my friendships. I know I have made mistakes, but after trying to rebuild and fix things internal and external, I find myself with a strong sense of accomplishment. All is well in my Gotham City. I have some of the best friends that would make everybody else in the whole planet jealous. I value them all in my life and I don't take them for granted.

School in Denton has also been a fantastic experience. It's so challengeing and rewarding. I love the workload, the tension, and the all-night study sessions! I know it's crazy and I honestly thought I would never in my most fucked up of dreams ever say something like that, but I can't help it. I love what I do and I try very hard for my grades. I have met some really neat and cool people up in D-town, and I enjoy their company very much. It's such a liberal, open-minded, and artistic community that it honestly makes me want to just live there forever!

I love going to concerts and I do it more often now. I have seen many of my favorite bands and artists. Hung out and became friends with some of them. Their music touches me in ways that can never be explained and I love that just fine! I have even seen my heroes on stage and I met Dexter Holland, my hero for more than half of my life. As I said, I can honestly stop everything now, and be satisfied with my life.

Insignificant things are no longer sad or distressing. I turn on the TV and see a crisis on the news. I see the president I elected making a mockary of what I stood for.. but I can tell you with a smile on my face that I don't care at all. Things that used to bother me don't matter anymore. That kid who bothered me doesn't matter anymore.

You see, I have achieved my consolation prize and I am thankful for that. I don't think there is anybody in the world who can say that. Hell, I don't think there is anybody who actually say that with a straight and honest face.

But I can. I have done it all now.

I got my "simple kind of life."