Perhaps it’s the season, but my more primitive thoughts are starting to take a hold of me. The idea of wanting to have somebody new by my side is becoming more and more of a nuisance. I guess we can’t really escape our elemental makeup of wanting to be with somebody.
Still, it sucks cock. I can’t help but always admiring her from a distance though. She’s a talented individual and I don’t think those around her realize that. There’s something inside her that’s just so much more unique. (..and not unique as in “indie-art chick” unique.)
But alas, to bring someone new into my personal life isn’t a very good idea at all. I can’t be bothered with a new girlfriend and no girlfriend should have to put up with me either. There is far to much at stake on both ends to risk. Besides, I wouldn’t really want to hurt anybody else ever again.
I just can’t help it. It makes me think about the entire notion and theory about “relationships.” I can’t understand this concept of dating and being with (the cliche') "special someone." After the end of my previous relationship, I don’t understand why anybody in their right fuckin’ mind would ever want to be in one. The perception and overall ideas about relationships are just so primitive and outdated to me. Why do people feel it necessary that they have to have somebody? I get that people are horny and want to fuck like rabbits, but you can do that with a quick Okcupid.com profile search. I’ve only visited that site once a few months ago but judging from all my friends who use the site to get laid it’s a massive buffet of horny men and women desperately seeking penis or vagina (sometimes both).
So why go out to crappy movies? Why the holding hands together? It’s so childish and just furthers the devolution of humanity.
..yet here I am, Mr. Cynical dumbass Chameleon; charmed and captivated by her presence and personality. Estranged, divided, and anxiously tense when she smiles back at me, I fear for my life.
Yes, this kid has a crush on somebody.
But it’s wrong. Oh, so very wrong! Just look at this e-motion: >_<
That’s how frustratingly angsty I’m feeling about this! (It looks like I’m having a hard time trying to take a shit. lol)
Regrettably, my vendetta is (and should be) my only somebody. As lonely as that sounds (and undoubtly retarded at that), it is the one thing I know that really matters. It is the only thing that makes any sense. Maybe one day, when I am finally finished with it all; I can lay asleep in bed, by her side, with a sense of lucidity, calmness, and clarity.. knowing all my dreams came true.
Though until then, I’m just going to have to deal with being human.