Professional Alcoholic & Drug Addict, pt. 1

I should be scared shitless when he continuously begs for my “happy pills”, instead I crack a smile and take it more like a joke. It’s hard not too. I mean, he says like a joke. Same thing applies when he wants to keep on trying ecstasy. I mean, he’s only saying it to be funny, right..?

Oh, by the way, he’s referring too my Lorazepalm medication when he says “happy pills”, oh and when I say “he” I mean my brother.

This past week he has been drinking since like Thursday night of last week. Ya know, I can understand drinking for the weekend. I mean, isn’t that why we work? ..for the weekend? Heh, like that tacky 80’s song suggested. Well, regardless, this is getting out of hand and to say that it’s bothering me is definitely an understatement. Makes me totally question why exactly I am here in Denton. Seeing those I care about falling into such a trite addiction isn’t exactly how I wanted to spend my semester.

But what am I suppose to do when my little brother won’t even take me seriously? He just laughs it off and tells me off whenever I try to bring it to his attention. He tells me to “go to sleep” or just very condescendingly to leave the room. I guess I do come off as being “cartoony” or somewhat stupid whenever I try to say something, but how do I present myself to somebody who’s pretty much shit-faced all night. As I mentioned it’s one thing to drink on a Friday and Saturday night, but.. Sunday night? ..Monday night?? Tuesday night??? Wednesday night???? Yeah, I’m aware school was cancelled on Tuesday due to the icy weather, but come on bro, give it a break.

I heard him pukeing earlier today. This was before he passed out for a bit on his bed, mind you.

But who cares what I think, right? I mean, he knows what he’s doing.. He’s like a fuckin’ professional vodka drinker and everybody’s favorite resident alcoholic, right? He has to certainly know what he’s doing, right kids?

..or maybe he just doesn’t get the joke?

Honest & Conflicted

The first week of the Spring semester has officially come to a close for me. (Not really, cause I have several projects and chapters to read.)

I can safely assume that despite this was the first week and the first days were nothing sort of just going over the syllabus and introducing the classes, some of the courses have plans to get deep inside my inner self. My two Women’s Studies classes are going to be some of the best, though at the same time, are going to really “expose” me to my fellow classmates. Especially the “Feminist Theory” course. Introducing myself was already a haphazard me cause in order for me to really connect with my classmates I had to tell them where I was coming from. (The class has like 25-ish people in total, and four of those are men. Myself included.)

My Painting II Class is also proving to be very existential. Our first painting is already going to rip through the core of me. Our instructor just said to paint an “autobiographical” painting. (Take that anyway you’d like.) So it’s no surprise to anybody that all my “original” artwork is very personal and autobiographical to, however this time I’m going to have to bring that in front of everyone. (Which is okay, I guess.) Though, the twist of this all is that we (the students) have to keep a journal of all our thoughts while painting our “Autobiographical” Painting. I’ve done this before and the results are always messy. My mind scrutinizes and criticizes every move I make. Can it be that now everybody (or the instructor) are going to see just how screwed up really am inside?

..or is this the way every artist is? Are we all “messed up”..? Does it come with the job? I don’t know sometimes.

I guess what bites me the most is that this is a new school and a new time for me, yet, right off the bat I’m going to show everybody just what makes me tick. Maybe I’ll fit in or maybe I’ll say too much.

No more hiding behind a computer, I suppose.

It's a new dawn..

"..it's a new day,
..it's a new life,
..for me.

..and I'm feeling good.”


So today officially marks the end of an error. It’s going to feel so good turning on CNN and not having to see an old bumbling white man as the commander-in-chief. Barack has a lot on his shoulders and I’m hoping he can really pull through on some of those promises. I mean, I have no doubts he will do an exceptional job, but the unfortunate thing about this country is that there are still a lot of people who think the worst has yet to come. I don’t need to tell anybody out there just how much is really at stake, so it will be no surprise every single move that President Obama makes will be critiqued and scrutinized.

Also today marked my first day of classes at UNT for this semester. I spent the time in-between classes moving around campus and listening to my Zune. It had been pretty chilly this morning before my Art Appreciation class, which really had me wanting some chap stick. My lips felt like they were going to fall off. (Actually, they still feel like they are.)

Unfortunately, I was falling asleep during my American Government class. I guess I tried myself out walking all over the campus. I didn’t get to really hear what the professor was saying. Oh, well.

Tomorrow should be another neat day. I have my Women’s Studies course as well as my Painting II class in the afternoon. I’ll let ya all know how that goes. I hope we don’t build our own canvases though. That shit is annoying cause it evolves some level of strength, and I‘m not very strong (what Art Major isn‘t?). I don’t want to jinx anything, but I think supplies might prove to be costly as well.

But that’s to be expected by now. Anywho, Fausto is texting me. I haven’t eaten so I’m going out. Laters!

Classes, a Coffee House, and Artsy-Girls

Holy moly, where does the time go?

Sorry for the lack of updates, ya’ll. I’ve sort of been keeping myself busy and cute here in Denton. School begins this Tuesday and I have already gotten all my shenanigans together.


During the week I finally got advised and reregistered for classes. (w00t! W00t!) I can’t believe I am actually excited to go back to school. I’m taking 15 hours too! Like, what the hell; I said I wouldn’t take more than 12.. I guess this school has so much to choose from I just couldn’t resist taking an extra one. Also since I was so determined not to get a Friday class, I spent like 3 and half hours trying to really customize a schedule that didn’t involve me waking up at 7:30am every morning. Instead I have afternoon classes! :D

Just like I like em’.

Anywho, here is my schedule:

MONDAYS / WEDNESDAYS
11:00am - 12:20pm “Women’s Studies”
2:00pm - 4:50pm “Painting II”

TUESDAYS / THURSDAYS
11:00am - 12:20pm “Art Appreciation”
2:00pm - 3:20pm “American Government”
6:00pm - 8:50pm “Feminist Theory” (THURSDAYS ONLY)

As you can see my Thursdays are pretty full. I think I’m just going to live on the campus and not return to my apartment till late at night. Speaking of late nights.. I think I’m pretty much turning to an alcoholic. We (we as in Jaime, Alison, and Jesus) drink all the time. There goes our Financial Aid money! It’s all blown on Keystone, Shiner Bock, Red Stripe, or Budweiser. Personally, I prefer some wine or other fruity little drinks (cause I can’t shoot whiskey like Carrie Underwood).


It’s also cool hanging out with Fausto. I’m so glad he’s here in Denton actually. He’s one of those guys that makes things a lot more interesting and fun. I look forward to causing some mayhem at the campus with him or just having lunch at Subway or Jimmy Johns.

Speaking of going out, we went to the Jupiter House (which is a really trendy/hipster coffee house here in Denton). While I shouldn’t care of stereotypes, I can’t help but feel a little offended that (more than likely) ALL the people at the Jupiter House is probably my fellow art students. Everybody these has there nice little Apple laptops and there scarves and art-fag berets. I can’t help but cringe a bit. This is why I will forever refuse to date an art major.


Maybe I read into things too much but Art-girls really annoy me. Their false sense of being a free-spirit and thinking their so original makes me throw up a little in my mouth. I don’t know why I am saying this since odds are I’m going to have to start making a lot of friends. I give it 2 weeks till I start casually hanging out during weekends at the Jupiter House. Somebody slap me if I do begin to do that crap.

Oh, and as for making new “original” artwork.. I wouldn’t count on it. I think I might be going on “long” hiatus actually. While it’s a little daunting and might prove to be a challenge I think I’ll wait and get my feet wet a little trying other things. I might try and write more poetry or perhaps do some short stories. I don’t know. Whatever comes my way, I suppose.

Tomorrow (or should I say, later today) my cousin Fernie is going to come up and hang with us for the day. Speaking of that, I will also take a tour of the school tomorrow and get used to the bus routes. Should be fun. ..and cold. *gulp*

New Zune, Dexter Morgan, and Denton, Texas

If you didn’t hear the news last week, the 30 Gigabyte version of the Microsoft Zune mp3 player had a glitch in his programming that caused every single Zune 30 around the world to “die”. It was a glitch, that rendered all the mp3 players of it’s kind to be unusable for the day. Something about being a leap year-year, and not having the mp3 player distinguish what day it was. Needless to say, all the Zunes affected would be back to normal the next day. (I guess it couldn’t decided whether it was December 31st, or Janurary 1st. Oh well.) So for a day, I was sad.

I loved my Zune 30. It probably helped me get through more bullshit than anything. So anyway, then came January 1st 2009. During that day, I recharged my Zune only to find it working again! I was so happy. However, little did I know it was the beginning of a problem. During the 4th , my Zune crapped out again. I looked online to see if anybody else was having this problem and only a few Zune 30 owners were experiencing the same issue that I was. It was maddening cause, the Zune was virtually useless again. Both Microsoft and the Zune Team weren’t acknowledging this new problem, so it made my faith in them more worn and frayed. Still, all the while, I kept thinking about getting a new one with more storage capacity.

I had pretty much used up all the memory for the Zune 30, and I was constantly having to delete music that I wasn’t listening too anymore in order to fit new stuff in. In an effort to try and save my Zune for one last time I used the “ERASE” key combination to hopefully get atleast running, and to my surprise; it was still dead. So with the $100 dollars that I got for Christmas by my Dad, coupled with the cash I get every month from the government, I decided to go and get me a new Zune player. If in the event that my old one mysteriously came back to life I would give it to my mom so she can listen to it during her work-outs. So, after some thought I settled for the latest model, the Zune 120.



The screen is slicker, bigger, and holds 4 times as much music as my old Zune 30 could ever hold. While, the color selection is very limited, the black suits me just fine. Since buying it three days ago, I have already used up more than 30 Gigabytes of music on it. I added my play lists, some new backgrounds, and added music without hesitation. As secretly predicted by me, my old Zune 30 came back to life giving away no warning as to what even happened. However, the Zune was empty. It didn’t have any music, nor my pictures, nor my videos. Still, it was a chance for me to fill most of it with music my mom would like.

So I grabbed her CD’s of various different artists and began to rip them to my computer so I can upload them to the old Zune. Once mine was completed, I finished messing with her Zune and then gave it to her. I would much rather let her have my old Zune cause I know it will always be around me instead of giving it away randomly. I guess you can say I still have feelings for my lil’ old Zune.



Okay, so during the winter break I got into this TV series called, “Dexter”. They show it on the Showtime network and it’s about a serial killer who works in forensics, specifically “blood splatter”. My brother, Jaime was the one who got me into the show. He downloaded high quality HD-like episodes of all three current seasons while he was Denton. All I have to say is that, this show FUCKING RULES. I haven’t gotten so emotionally attached a show in such a long time. This show is so exciting and it has some really great writing. In terms of character development and plot sequences, the Dexter series executes them perfectly. There are certainly a lot of really tense moments in the show. It’s also crazy because since the main character Dexter is secretly a killer who decapitates his victims, (while still working with police officers and trying to hold a steady relationship with his girlfriend Rita) you can not help but root for him. Unlike “The Sopranos” which featured legendary anti-hero Tony Soprano, whom you both despised/loved throughout the show, Dexter is actually a really cool decent guy. Even with all the great cops and “good guys” trying to solve murder cases you actually cheer Dexter on.

You don’t want him to fail.
You don’t want him to get caught.
You want his relationship with Rita to keep on blooming.
You want his sister Deborah to succeed.

As I mentioned, it’s crazy in that sense because it says so much about who we are. I guess maybe some people may not think about it that way, but I do. Maybe it’s because I have always empathized with the “bad guys” or the villain, but I’ve always understood them and why they do these “evil” things. It’s not like Dexter is completely evil, he butchers murders and people who have plagued others. And that’s what makes him like all of us. Cause whether some people like to admit it or not, we are all both “good” and “bad”.

Anyhow, I’ve been packing up all afternoon because both me and Jaime go back to Denton, Saturday morning. While it may seem kind of soon (school starts on January 20th) and I haven’t really mentioned it much, I’ve always thought that making “clean escapes“ seemed better. (It’s not like Valerie even knows what the fuck is going on with me anyway.) Besides I need to register for classes (and get advised) on Monday, so things might get pretty annoying considering how many people will be doing to same. Denton is going to be sssooo ccooollllddd. I’m already getting chills. Hopefully everything goes well.

Tomorrow is a busy day since both me and Jaime have dental appointments. They have to fill-in some cavities, so I am not sure how annoying that is going to be like. It’s been such a long time since I even got a cavity. So after that we have to pack up his car with our stuff as well as hook up my mom’s old computer. Since I am giving her my old Zune, I need to show her how to recharge the battery and download the Zune Software for her.

It’s been a swell winter break, but it’s time for me to go back to reality.