This is Halloween

*listening to "Halloween" by AFI*

So tonight's the night where there will be tons of teens dressed up as The Joker (or Batman for the kiddos). Should be funny to see. I am just going to stay here at the house and give away candy all night. Not much to do being all screwy and all.

I hope you guys out there have a ball though. There's going to be a lot of cool shit going down in Austin tonight, I hear. Also it'd be nice to go to the Lizard Lounge tonight, the pally's are all going and I am jealous. It sucks I can't be there. Oh, well. Atleast tomorrow morning I am going to try and score me some pit tickets to see The Killer's in February. Here's hoping I nail me those damn tickets!

Anywho, I've rambled long enough. Everybody have an awesome night and eat as much candy and sweets as possible. Candy never killed anybody. So, seeing as this is the last post of this month, I'll see ya'll in November. rofl

The Thin Man

Yesterday I was at San Antonio for a follow-up with my doctor to see how everything is going with my surgery and all that jazz. Despite still taking 2 to 3 pills for pain a day, the scars, my breathing, and blood pressure are all pretty steady. The next appointment with that doctor won’t be till like early January of 2009, so that’s always good news. However, what sucks is, it turns out I lost 10 pounds since October 6th. Now I weigh a staggering 99 pounds. I hadn’t weighed that low since like 2003 or something.

These damn surgeries really take a lot of me. It’s kind of sickening thinking about just how much more skinnier I have gotten. While I can’t really see it physically, the idea that the scales don’t lie really scare the shit out of me. It’s still a little difficult for me to finish eating full complete meals. I find myself just drinking a Coke or a Fanta and nibbling on a few cookies and eating like half a taco. The neighbor next door is really nice enough to cook a lunch for me, but I still can’t finish her meals. I feel it’s just too much. I don’t know what it is about all these surgical procedures, but they really diminish my appetite. I guess it starts at the hospital with all their shitty tasting food. Something about trying to eat some Corn Flakes while nurses force you to chug down some fucking shitty taking orange flavored Metamucil so you can take a shit better.

Argh. I know I am destined to do this forever, but really.. I don’t know how much I can take anymore. I don’t want to be wasting 3 to 4 months a year recovering from this stupid bullshit. I need to be out there, man. I need to go out and live, not recover and recover and recover. Fuck that shit. The beginning of the year was awesome. I started a new and I felt great. I took my life back and I aspired to do a lot of things. I was so close to death, that I felt I couldn’t pass up life anymore. Shit, I have an apartment up in Denton now.

But alas, I can’t seem to be enjoying these luxuries at the moment. Instead I spend my days taking meds and sleeping all day and night. I know I will get better soon, but really; how long till the next operation after I get healthier? I guess I shouldn’t think about stuff like that. But god dammit, I can’t help it sometimes.

I did!

Have you? To quote my friend Laura's MSN name, Vote4Changeplx!

So ya'll know the drill.

Somewhat Damaged

Yeah, so I have been home for several days now. Still feel like crap, but very slowly as each day passes I get slightly better and am becoming more aware of things.

These painkillers really make you drowsy and yet sleeping is still very difficult for me. I wake up soaked in sweat within an hour. Sleeping on my side is especially hard for me to do. The new scar is really thick and stretches around my shoulder blade. Not very attractive in the slightest as you can see.

But everything went fine. There were no complications nor did anything go wrong with the surgery. Still, I'm going to be feeling pretty drained for a long while.

Thanks to all my pals who kept in touch and wished me a Happy Birthday while I was in the hospital. I really appreciate it for it makes recovering easier.

Thanks again.

Hospital Beds, I.V's, & Greedy Doctors

So on Monday (October 6th) I will undergo yet another heart surgery which will undoubtly be one of the first few in a long line of various operations. Whenever a doctor saw me and told me, "You're a very unique individal, you know that right?" they had a huge smile on their face. Perhaps I was suppose to feel flattered by these statements, but if you've spent a day in my shoes, you'd see right though this curse I have been so unforunately born with.

I'm worth too much money to be fully fixed up. There are bidding wars against whom should collect the rights to stick things inside my heart and nobody sees that more than I. I expect to make a full physical recovery from Monday's operation, but I know I'll just lose another part of my mental stability. These things really mess me up. However, I am going to try not to let it hold me down.

Obviously there will not be any updates to Another Pilot Down (let alone any other online art account of mine) for the next several days (or weeks) but rest assured when I get back to a some-what decent shape and that I am ready to go online you'll see the first updates from me here. And for those of you who like to stalk me I am sure you'll have my Facebook and MySpace on watch for my "current status" or whatever. Also, if you guys want to give me a call on my cellphone be sure to do that. You can call my cell anytime during the day/night if you'd like to catch up on things or know whether or not I lost my mind yet. I am going to try and have my cell on for as long as I can with me. (I'm taking my phone charger.) So feel free to call.

Again though, the next couple of months might be pretty uneventful interms of art or creativity. I honestly don't see myself drawing much and instead will mostly likely spend my days recovering watching all 200 episodes of Sailor Moon that I downloaded. lol!

Well, I guess I'll catch ya all later. Thanks for the support and always being there even when you didn't agree with me or my views. I appreciate any kind of support you all gave me during the year.

Seeya for now!

The Final Two

The last two artworks from the “September Sessions” have finally been uploaded.

You can view my latest drawing, “Sick” at my website, DeviantART, SheezyArt, and at Self-Portrait. Also uploaded is a new poem I have been writing since like, January of this year. There are two versions of this poem, a “short version” and of course, the original (which is slightly longer). You can view the short version at Sheezy and Self Portrait, while the original version can only be found at my official website.

I don’t think I you need to know a lot about me to realize that these two pieces are some of the most personal works that I have ever done. When I do some very personal pieces I usually try to hide the message using several different literary or poetic devices so it is much more easier for me to really display my work. It’s almost as if I have my audience fooled.

But not this time. I am not proud of these works. In fact, I hate them. Both of them. The fact that they exist really kills my trip. Regardless, I’d rather be die an honest man than a fool who pretended to be somebody he wasn’t.