So just like that, my little red house is gone. The monsters and vampires that once plagued my dreams have all disappeared. Suddenly the sunrise no longer burns as much. I think I’m free.
I am well aware that I haven’t really been writing as much here as I used to. I apologize dearly, cause I’m just so fortunate that any of ya’ll even read or care of what I have to say. But as I’ve stated in my previous entry, I’m just too happy. Life is being very kind to me and I can’t sit still and ramble about things because I’m just going to end up repeating myself or sounding silly after awhile.
One small unfortunate circumstance of my happiness is that I don‘t really have much of a drive to create or finish any art at the moment. Ideas and concepts that have been in the works for several years have been placed on hold yet again. While, I have been writing some poetry, much of that material has also been shelved for the time being. I suppose my passion for art and enthusiasm for expression is the causality to my joy.
Though despite enjoying my days and nights with the Jamester, Fausto, Alison, and Jesus.. There have been a few late night moments in which life tries to test my moral codes and own resistance, and I have to say that I handle it well. As I play the game, I physically feel as if my second half of my being is being separated only to further distance itself from hurting my deeper self. It feels as if I no longer need to defend anything, because I don’t have anything to defend.
Since I stopped playing hero a few months ago, the weight has been lifted. Even if I care so much about you, I know I can’t or shouldn’t stop you from doing what you want to do. While it was so scary to let that part of me go, it was the right thing to do. To not “be a hero” has, and will forever be, the best advice I have ever received. So maybe it’s time for somebody else to take up the mantel cause I’m tried of it.
I’m becoming unphased by these images of the Iraq Revolution, articles about cruelty towards animals, or even how badly the entire economic system seems to be crumbling all around us. I honestly don’t care. Infact I just smile. I smile, suck on a cigarette, and just look at my friends and realize how luck I am. There is nobody in the world quite like them and that makes all the difference.
I was raised in the era of heroes and cons, and I’m happy to report that I’m neither.